"Right now there is a shortage of water in California. One of the worst in its history. The people in the cities may be fortunate enough to not notice it, but it’s those in the rest of the state are being hit hard. I’m surprised by this because of California’s close proximity to the Pacific Ocean, which is almost nothing but water. According to my calculations it’s about 80% water, 10% fish, and 10% mystery."
"In case you needed proof that I was a 22-year-old virgin — behold, my four thousand dollar gaming laptop!"
"Hello, my old heart / How have you been?"